Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
