i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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