Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
