He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
