No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this will be a night to untag.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
