Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
