About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
