There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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