I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
