Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
