So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize