So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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