Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
