Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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