I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
