Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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