I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
