ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
