I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
