Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
