): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
