he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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