And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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