there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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