And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
