Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize