East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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