if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her vagine was all disorganized.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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