somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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