Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
