Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
