So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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