The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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