Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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