He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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