the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
