Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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