Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
