Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize