apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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