remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
