Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
