maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
