am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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