Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
