I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
