I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
