how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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