good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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