those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
