your parents love me but you hate me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
