It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
