I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
