I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize