i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
