someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
