I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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