Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize