can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
