Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
