Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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