And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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