just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
