Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
