Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
