I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
