shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
