Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
