I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize