you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
