I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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