Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
