I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
