so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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