Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my being single is dangerous.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
