At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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