that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
