She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
