so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
