I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
