Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize