eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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