I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
