I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize