I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
