dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I touched a dick in church today
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
