How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
