Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
