i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
