Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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