My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
