it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize