Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
