Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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