I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
