Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
